45 lines
2.5 KiB
Markdown
45 lines
2.5 KiB
Markdown
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layout: post
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title: "Jekyll and Hyde Philosophy"
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date: 2018-04-30
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---
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#### Torn between the bad and the ugly
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Photo by [Wendy Scofield](https://unsplash.com/photos/TjfQR3JgGG8?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/syringe?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)I’ve mused before about my irreconcilable dual philosophy. The part of me that inspires the ‘Neither do I’ in my bio — it’s not just there for the rhyme!
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In the shower[1] just now it hit me what that is.
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It’s a Jekyll and Hyde philosophy.
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Sometimes, I attempt optimism with earnest. I see the world for what it *could be*, rather than the twisted anarchy that it is. And I am fired to fight towards that. My philosophy in these times is all-encompassing, laid back and non-judgmental. I believe — truly believe — in a Utopian future.[2]
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That’s my Jekyll philosophy. One of the best intentions.[3]
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Then, I inevitably remember (or am reminded) [*Life is Shit*](https://medium.com/@WhereAngelsFearToTread/rainbows-lollipops-and-sunshine-498cdad1e3f).
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This is the spiteful, cynical, middle finger to the universe side of my splintered worldview. Where I see that its a goddamn miracle the human race hasn’t obliterated itself *already *and we’re all living on borrowed time. A philosophy that is malevolent and selfish. Shit sucks and all we can do is make the best of it.
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But it also brings an anger — a futile rage against the universe that doesn’t give a shit. And a justified rage against The Powers That Be which don’t give a shit *either.[4]*
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That’s my Hyde philosophy. One of sometimes-righteous anger but shot through with wide cracks of black malice.
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And so I am. And so I am torn.
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Trapped and torn between two inconceivably opposed world views. Thinking one thing one moment, and the opposite the next. It is confusing and infuriating.
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So I half hope that one side eventually wins this impossible war.
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Though if that were to happen, I don’t know which side would win.
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I don’t know which side I’d *want* to win, either.
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[1] Why is it always the shower? I guess because its the only high-daydream activity we do regularly and consistently…
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[2] Equality for all and all that wonderful bollox.
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[3] For all the good that intentions are…
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[4] And anger is a veritable powerplant of energy, creative and otherwise. If it was good enough for Terry Pratchett, it is more than good enough for me.
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