72 lines
4.3 KiB
Markdown
72 lines
4.3 KiB
Markdown
---
|
||
layout: post
|
||
title: "It certainly seems that way. Such is life on the Wavelength…"
|
||
date: 2018-03-19
|
||
---
|
||
|
||
|
||
> I suspect we have both had much the same experience for much the same reason(s).It certainly seems that way. Such is life on the Wavelength…
|
||
|
||
|
||
> Naturally, I was dismissive of his doom-saying *vis a vis* not being in one’s right mind when first in LoveOh yeah. I’ve learnt plenty of lessons in this respect, and I am glad — in a way — to have learnt them this early. *But *induced blindness seems to make me forget them at the times I most need to remember them…Love is a truly curs*ed* thing!
|
||
|
||
|
||
> And he said simply “Not you … her.”Yeah, at the time, that didn’t cross my mind either…
|
||
|
||
|
||
> After all … if she weren’t perfect … if I weren’t ‘marrying *up*’ as it were, by getting involved with a superior being … well …Interesting thought…
|
||
|
||
|
||
> *Whoever* she is, she may not be a predator … she may just not be all either of you hope she is *either* — may be guilty of the same mistakes as you and I.And yet, now her mind crosses *my *mind more often than is ideal. Because I don’t *know…*
|
||
|
||
I don’t know if what we had (what I thought we had) was ever real to her. And I can’t ever know…
|
||
|
||
But considering her track record[1] and some of her parting words (that are acid-etched into my brain) I’m inclined to say she was decidedly less than innocent. If not straight up manipulative.
|
||
|
||
But I don’t know, and I never will. Even if I were to ask…what’s that saying about trust…ah yes…
|
||
|
||
*Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.*
|
||
|
||
I’m incapable of trusting *Her* ever again. Not that that should need to matter.
|
||
|
||
I should be able to let this go, but I *can’t*.
|
||
|
||
|
||
> But, yes … watch out for the predators first and foremost … the basket cases too — the former will harm you … the latter hurt you.Ah yes, so true. My first was a basket case[2] and the second was *Her*. Not new behaviour for either, yet both times nobody warned poor blind me until it it had all blown up in my face.
|
||
|
||
Not so much a formative experience as a *re*formative experience. For better or worse I’m not who I was, anymore. Leaning (by a hairline) towards better so *far*…
|
||
|
||
|
||
> be aware of it out of the corner of my eye whilst I focus on what’s ahead of me.That’s a better way of describing what I meant when I said filter.
|
||
|
||
|
||
> “either one or both of us can come out of this in one piece; either way around though, **I** won’t stop until *you* do — so, it’s up to you … *how* hard do you want to make this on both of us?”Hah, well said! There’s value in a little (lot) of stubbornness, carefully applied.
|
||
|
||
|
||
> As much as anything else, it’s a highly physical activity.Highly physical, insanely mental[3]. Just perfect for the high-caliber distraction purposes.
|
||
|
||
|
||
> You too, hunh?Absolutely. After a while, it ceases to be about the song and more about the repetition. As a side effect of this the chosen music becomes irrevocably associated with the emotion.
|
||
|
||
As a result, I *cannot *listen to Wrong Side of Heaven by 5FDP. The opening notes are enough to give me shivers.
|
||
|
||
Set Me on Fire by Flyleaf has a similar effect. It’s arrival in my ears just as my train pulled out over the sun-bathed Tay — and away from my last lost love —caused me to break down. In *public*. The ***horror***. But I could do naught else but lose myself, marveling at the irony of the lyrics set against my current situation.[4]
|
||
|
||
|
||
> I could go into a long, florid diatribe about ‘songs’, but I won’t ; )Right, right, because ‘songs’ implies lyrics. My mistake!
|
||
|
||
|
||
> Naturally, it’s that much easier if you like electronic forms or … Heaven forfend … Classical [1].I love drums or electric guitar in particular, which helps. They’re both instruments I’d love to play myself, if I had an ounce of musical talent.
|
||
|
||
|
||
> Once it’s second nature to do that then more complex material is, unsurprisingly, even more rewarding.Useful advice, thank you.
|
||
|
||
[1] An illustrious history of pain despite the tender age of seventeen. Impressive, in a way.
|
||
|
||
[2] Though aren’t they all, to a degree?
|
||
|
||
[3] In every sense of that!
|
||
|
||
[4] If there is a God he has a nasty sense of humour (and would have to be a micromanaging prick to boot but that’s beside the point)
|
||
|
||
|