website/_drafts/2018-06-13-is-self-reflection-enough.markdown

layout, title, date

layout	title	date
post	Is self reflection enough?	2018-06-13

I’ve been doing a lot (a whole lot!) of self reflection lately. It’s probably reflected — Hah! (Sorry[1]) — in my writings.

I’m trying to figure out who I am. And *what I *do. Big questions. But ones I want answers to.

Not least because of the series of relationship explosions I’ve undergone recently. In particular I’m trying to identify and neutralise toxic behaviours I either already had or developed in those relationships.

I’m pretty sure I’m badly codependent. Which needs to change. I also have a major tendency to jump ahead of myself when I should be rolling with the punches.[2] But I don’t know exactly how. Which loops quite neatly to the title.

I’ve been looking inward. Balancing it with looking outward. Trying to let a little more positivity bleed into the darkness.[3]

Trying really damn hard to be more mindful, more grateful.

All of that is good. But is it enough? Can I do this — whatever *this *is — alone?

I don’t know. Which is another thing I’m working at being better at — admitting when I’m wrong or don’t know. Which is a lot of the time when this is involved.

I guess I’m just trying to be a better person. Something I should be able to manage alone. In theory. I don’t know.

[1] I’m not.

[2] I don’t mean that inherently negatively as it implies. *Going with the flow *just isn’t violent enough for me. On second thoughts maybe I do.

[3] Sometimes.