50 lines
3.0 KiB
Markdown
50 lines
3.0 KiB
Markdown
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layout: post
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title: "Flickering like candle-flame in the wind"
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date: 2018-07-01
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---
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#### The edge of vision otherwise dark
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Photo by [Paul Bulai](https://unsplash.com/photos/XOQJa4OC8P0?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/candle?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)[I have a blind mind’s eye.](https://medium.com/frenetic-scribblings/minds-eye-blind-93509e102fe)
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> I don’t see mental images. It’s incredibly difficult to describe what I do see, but certainly not the vivid mental imagery that I’m told others experience.[1]I’ve also recently figured out I am a broadly visual learner. Which renders my memory next to useless. Since if I learn through imagery, and yet my image recall is short circuited…I can’t very well learn *anything* can I!
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Though as I’ve said before, [some things stick](https://medium.com/frenetic-scribblings/some-things-stick-519bc645e86d). Somehow, moments of intense emotion stick. As for why, I couldn’t say. My relationship with emotions in general is *complex*, to say the least. I’m still working through that. One step at a time, one puzzle piece of my eight dimensional jigsaw at a time.[2]
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> My mind is like a sieve, selecting if not the particularly good or bad, but the significant of all kinds.More to the point of *this *piece though, just now I experienced a phenomenon I’ll call ‘flickering’.
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Just as with anything involving this subject it’s complex to describe. Maybe the best description is….
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*Ghosted images, like the retina starbursts after firework flash. Flickering like the flame of a candle in hissing wind. Dancing on the peripheral of mental image. Tantalisingly unseen like a body’s curve clad in sheer silk. A Schrödinger's image.*
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Why I can describe so well that which I cannot picture is another classic dilemma in my personal, crazy puzzle.[2] Regardless, I won’t elaborate on the image itself, but I’ll say it was a strong one. And yes, emotionally charged. Enjoyable, even.[3]
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Now of course, it has vanished. Startled by my mental clawing at it, my trying to drag it into full, glorious vision, it has dissolved.
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A grain of sand in the wind of time. Lost.[4]
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[That’s not *all* bad, though.](https://medium.com/@aronajones/frenetic-scribblings-18-living-in-the-moment-fe903df21ee0)
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All I can do is…
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> **[wring] every ounce of experience out of every damn moment that I breath.**That’s turning out to to be a pretty sweet way to live.[5]
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[1] Self-quoting wasn’t…well..self-indulgent, was it? I feel uncomfortably like it was.
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[2] Excuse the metaphor — I certainly don’t mean to imply my mind is complex as in ‘smart’. More complex as in *pain in the arse*.
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[3] Get your mind out of the gutter![4]
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[4] Oh, was it just mine that was *in* the gutter to begin with? Damn…
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[4] Dammit. I really *was* enjoying that.[3]
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[5] Course, I’m not very good at it.[6]
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[7] Yet
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