67 lines
3.3 KiB
Markdown
67 lines
3.3 KiB
Markdown
---
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layout: post
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title: "Oh now I wouldn’t call them famous — and I have no desire for them to be."
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date: 2018-03-19
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---
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> I fear it is one of your famous double-edged swords.Oh now I wouldn’t call them *famous — *and I have no desire for them to be. Notoriety has a far better ring ;D
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More to the point, yes. Yes I think it very much is.
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> It doesn’t make it hurt any the less but it does mean you stop beating yourself up quite so much.Yeah…kinda. I am glad to have learnt the lessons that I have, and I fully expect to learn more in hindsight.
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My total lack of visual recall that fuels my poor recall in general helps here. I cannot cling onto and beat myself up over that which I cannot remember.
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BUT
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I can’t very well learn any lessons from it either.[1] And it doesn’t quell the endless tide of *‘What if’. *It’s not so much what happened that hurts. I can accept that and move on from it. It is in not knowing — what she thought, truly believed and what could have been — where the pain lies.
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THAT SAID
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Asking ‘what if’ always hurts. No masochistic pleasure to be found, either. Just confusion and *Weltschmerz.*
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So there’s no real point in it…
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> “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you *react* to it”
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> most of the time there is a riotMaybe that’s why we have a compulsion to start a riot…because it isn’t so much starting as *letting out*…
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> and I have to scramble to get things down somewhere before lose them completely.I know that feeling all too well. Who knows how many ideas are lost to the buzz of distraction…or indeed the nullspace I call memory.
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> I’ve nearly killed myself a few times as a result though.I guess that’s the difference between stubborn and bull-headed. Knowing when to yield. Not that I have that one figured out, mind…
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> Well, they must be to like the likes of us in the first place, no? ; )Well of course, since we are both *perfectly* *sane*. The alternative is too *in*sane to even contemplate…!
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> That’s a way of looking at it — quite a bit darker even than my own perspective — and I’m not exactly known for my cheery disposition, am I!?Well yeah, I suppose it is quite dark, in hindsight. But still, to me it’s just realism[2] The one Universal truth is that *Shit Happens.*
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Most of the time it looks like chaos doing what it does best…rioting.
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But the occasions that it seems organised…
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It seems downright malevolent, more often than not.
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Of course it’s *probably* just chaos…
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But if there *is* a God I very much wouldn’t like to meet it, thank you very much.
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Besides that, it’s all rolling fields, sunshine and rainbows![5]
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[1] There I go again with my swords…
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[2] Not pessimism, that would be seeing the world as darker than it is[3][6]
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[3] Which would be quite the feat, all things considered.[4][6]
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[4] And also probably enough to make one give up hope instantaneously…[6]
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[5] And cowshit. Because where there is a field, there is inevitably cowshit. Gotta be something to do with quantum entanglement.[6]
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[6] You know, reading all that, it is entirely possible my worldview has gone from dark to *grim*dark. Blacker than black — a concept so ridiculous it’s almost funny. That’s the essence of grimdark after all — a whole lot of shit with a dose of gallows humour bolted on.
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