partial port of new-old content

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title = "Forging a path into the web of unknown"
date = 2018-01-12
date = "2018-01-12T00:00:00Z"
title = "Forging a path into the web of unknown"
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I stand, hesitant

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title = "I dont know how to write"
date = 2018-01-13
date = "2018-01-13T00:00:00Z"
title = "I dont know how to write"
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That I honestly dont know is something I always kept close to my chest. But no more.

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title = "Frenetic Scribblings #34: Magic of the 4am silence"
date = 2018-01-04
categories = ["thoughts"]
date = "2018-01-04T00:00:00Z"
title = "Frenetic Scribblings #34: Magic of the 4am silence"
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4am is a magical time. Where the late-nighters have mostly drifted off to bed, and the early-risers havent well…risen.

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categories = ["about me", "life"]
date = "2018-03-16T00:00:00.000Z"
layout = "post"
title = "I opt out, too"
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> “I opt out of all of the bullshit I never signed up for to begin with.”
Get up.
Go to work.
Go home.
Sleep.
Repeat.
Such a life is one of survival, not living. Maybe some real living is squeezed in around the edges.
A snatch of meaningful human interaction on the occasional eveninghere.
A weekend awaythere.
A long holidayonce in a while.
Scraps of life paid for by the cremation of time **nobody** can afford to waste.
Yet we have to.
Or *do* we?
[**I Opt Out.** *From this very moment forward I no longer subscribeto your priorities, principles and pointless pursuits. I opt out…*](https://medium.com/geezer-speaks/i-opt-out-ee3b693c5bf3 "https://medium.com/geezer-speaks/i-opt-out-ee3b693c5bf3")[](https://medium.com/geezer-speaks/i-opt-out-ee3b693c5bf3)
I say get *up*. I say, **wake up**.
I say *fuck that* to all of the above.
Fuck that to a life that isnt.
To a day on repeat, for all of my horribly short existence.
Fuck that to working just to survive.
To spending precious hours of freedom recovering from the very work that provides for.
Fuck that to Modern Society.
To all its materialism, celebrity news the only light in the mill of hate and fear.
Fuck that to being told how to live.
To being told to live an *un*life.
Ive always festered this idea, of breaking free. I never quite subscribed. Never quite fit in, because I didnt like being told what to do. But was afraid to stand out. I still am, but my eyes are opening to the fact freedom is worth it.
Even still, it will be a lifetimes work. But thats a worthy causebetter than an *un*lifetimes work at *any* rate.
Starting today, I will not like or dislike something on the whims of someone else.
Starting today, I will do my level best to disregard social norms.
Starting today, I will be the spanner in the gears of civilisation.
Starting today, I will not let anyone tell me how I should live.
Starting today, I consciously hit *unsubscribe* on Society.
I know [Brian Brewington](https://medium.com/u/b0f2a24f7463) is with me. I know that [Where Angels Fear](https://medium.com/u/6c8bcd0d1a65) will be glad of the riot. I know that [Gaëlane](https://medium.com/u/e3ddbb5fdbd5) has the hang of this already. Regardless…are *you* with me?
### Are you ready to **live?**

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title = "The Key to Immortality"
date = 2018-03-31
date = "2018-03-31T00:00:00+01:00"
title = "The Key to Immortality"
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#### Perpetuation from a shattering?

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categories = ["poetic", "life", "fiction", "love"]
date = "2018-04-07"
images = ["/img/1*e39CbqcpCNOKbH-dPX6KZg.jpeg"]
layout = "post"
title = "A love letter to the infernal combustion engine"
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She flew.
Though not on wings.
Crouched astride a gleaming machine, she flew with gasoline.
Flew between lumbering bubbles of steel. Just so many birdcages. And one hawk soaring among them.
They meandered to destinations unknown. While she flew, destination undetermined. Destination *unimportant*.
{{< image url="/img/1*e39CbqcpCNOKbH-dPX6KZg.jpeg" caption="*Photo by [KEVIN CLYDE BERBANO](https://unsplash.com/photos/r4V8xg21vek?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/speed?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)*" >}}
She flew, and she screamed.
She howled into the night. A fierce sound of primal anguish. Impaled with emotion. A beast of passion and turmoil, barely contained.
The engine roared in riposte. A harsh gravelly rumble that was felt more than heard. A beast of flame and steel, barely contained.
She screamed to vent her choked heart.
Offered herself at the feet of the fire before she was burnt up.
Offered herself to the grinding asphalt before she was scoured away.
Offered herself into the fierce wind before she was blown apart.
Screamed into the wind and rain, the fire and darkness. Screamed and let her voice be lost in the noise. Screamed in liberation from strangling feeling.
The engine screamed with her for it knew no else.
They screamed to live.
<hr>
[**Out Where The Desert Breaks.** *An Engine Roars.*](https://medium.com/@scottcarnahan/out-where-the-desert-breaks-7fda7b4d8ede "https://medium.com/@scottcarnahan/out-where-the-desert-breaks-7fda7b4d8ede")[](https://medium.com/@scottcarnahan/out-where-the-desert-breaks-7fda7b4d8ede) *Originally intended to be a piece for *[*Scene and Heard*](https://medium.com/the-scene-heard)*s Highlights submission call. It now doesnt know quite what it wants to be. Regardless I shall set it free.*

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categories = ["poetic"]
date = "2018-04-06"
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layout = "post"
title = "Hearts can be..."
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<div style="max-width: 600px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;">
{{< image url="/img/jilbert-ebrahimi-pVEcNabAg9o-unsplash.jpg" caption="*Photo by [Jilbert Ebrahimi](https://unsplash.com/@jilburr?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/s/photos/broken?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText)*" class="full-width" >}}
</div>
Hearts can be thawed, they can be broken.
Daemons can be beaten back, they can be broken.

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date = "2018-06-05T00:00:00+01:00"
title = "Fuck the world"
date = 2018-06-05
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#### Not literally, you might catch something[1]

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title = "*snkt*, *snkt*, *snkt*"
date = 2018-06-12
categories = ["fiction"]
date = "2018-06-12T00:00:00+01:00"
title = "*snkt*, *snkt*, *snkt*"
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Like metronomic and distorted cackling laughter the idea-spiders skitter. Piercing clatter of a thousand million worming thoughts. Each one keens in its own way, hungry for freedom. Each one glibly promising sprawling webs of crystalline creativity. Each one truthful to a volatile degree.

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categories = ["life", "poetic", "me"]
date = "2018-07-07"
images = ["/img/1*CoN8gAcwONSumYsaadY8HQ.jpeg"]
layout = "post"
title = "Chasing the Edge"
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![](/img/1*CoN8gAcwONSumYsaadY8HQ.jpeg)
The Edge is that which lights. That which sets the blood pumping. That which sparks the soul.
The Edge is the edge between life and death.
Chasing the Edge leads to the Rush.
The Rush is the fire lit from the Edge. The thump of heart pumping at the Edge. The blaze of soul sparked at the Edge.
The Rush is adrenaline, nothing morenothing less.
It is also the only way I know how to *Live*.
I dont know how to feel other than the Rush. All I have is the Edge.
The Edge makes me feel alive. Always have…always will…
Of course, the thing about the Edge is it has to be dangerous. Else it wouldnt *be *the Edge!
Chasing the Rush is just like chasing the wind. Exciting, but ultimately futile. Each time it hits just a little less. Boosts just a little less. So I push closer to the Edge. One step, one step at a time. Chasing leaves on the breeze, head wired upwards. Couldnt see the cliff coming up if I wanted to.
Addiction.
Addiction and…craving.
I cannot feel satisfaction. Even at the Edge, there is no satisfaction. Always demand for MORE, MORE, *MORE*. Ever greater hits, ever greater heights.
Sooner or later, itll kill me. Maybe then itll be satisfied. The Edge will have drawn the blood it demands. Maybe then *Ill* be satisfied.
<hr/>
Originally published [on Medium](https://medium.com/frenetic-scribblings/chasing-the-edge-b473b3efd3e2)

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categories = ["life", "memory", "me"]
date = "2018-07-08"
images = ["/img/1*QiRpt7tqra3moEbFQwtsnA.jpeg"]
layout = "post"
title = "Clawmarks on my memories"
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{{< image url="/img/1*QiRpt7tqra3moEbFQwtsnA.jpeg" caption="*Photo by [Andy Tootell](https://unsplash.com/photos/oRhhb0f2Kic?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/scratch?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)*" >}}
One of the reasons Im so *damn* good at living for the present is that I cant remember the past.
The instant a moment is gone it blurs, out of focus. Then it fades into the blackness. I cant remember the mundanewhat I had for lunch the other day, what movies I watched last week. Nor can I remember the specialthe first kiss, the last heartbreak. Its all gone.
Faded out.
I love it, and I *hate* it. I hate it, and I *love* it.
Its true that I can never be satisfied [without adrenaline]({{< ref "/post/2018/07/chasing-the-edge" >}} "Chasing The Edge"). But that isnt the whole picture. Satisfaction is underpinned by *memory*. I cannot be satisfied in what I have done when I cannot remember it.
I am cursed to wanderto always chase more. Adrenaline, and everything else. I cannot learn from a past that is no longer mine. I cannot remember fondly a laugh shared. I cannot relive the pain of a past heartbreak.
I cannot remember.
No matter how hard I try to hold, the memories always slip away. No matter how fiercely I claw. I have to live for the here and now, because otherwise [I aint got shit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TP5cjnVGJ38).
I cannot remember.
I love it.
*I hate it.*

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title = "Flickering like candle-flame in the wind"
date = 2018-07-01
categories = ["fiction", "philosophy"]
date = "2018-07-01T00:00:00+01:00"
title = "Flickering like candle-flame in the wind"
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#### The edge of vision otherwise dark

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title = "A spark"
date = 2018-09-27
categories = ["fiction", "poetic"]
date = "2018-09-27T00:00:00+01:00"
title = "A spark"
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A spark

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categories = ["poetic"]
date = "2018-09-21 00:00:00 +0100"
layout = "post"
title = "Wild Rose"
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Most roses are tamed, claiming only a veneer of beauty. But some are wild and free. And all the more beautiful for it.
Wild roses wear crowns of thorns.
They are beautiful and dangerous.
Wild roses are hardy, enduring plants.
They are strong and tenacious.
Wild roses are the brightflowers among sprawling tangles of thorns.
They shine bright against the Dark.
Soft petals, strong thorns. Soft heart, strong will. You are my wild rose.
🌹

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categories = ["poetic"]
date = "2018-10-08"
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layout = "post"
title = "You are…"
+++
<div style="max-width: 600px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;">
{{< image url="/img/1*JpjpU2gIO2RmIVUfHfiwmw.jpeg" caption="*Photo by [Elijah ODonnell](https://unsplash.com/photos/Kaw6v5cBV0I?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/star-human?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)*" class="full-width" >}}
</div>
{{< image url="/img/1*FKI6lQ5Fk9FdqjLR5l0JVg.jpeg" caption="*Photo by [Joonyeop Baek](https://unsplash.com/photos/O_y9SKdWito?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/old-oak?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)*" >}}
Like the aeons ancient celestial-battle scarred crust of this very Earth
You are strong, like the barked fortress of a enduring old-oak
*And yet…*
{{< image url="/img/1*oxdvd5ynIue_OYI61Xe3-w.jpeg" caption="*Photo by [Derek Mack](https://unsplash.com/photos/CcRZ4k3c6gA?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/sunset?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)*" >}}
Like the lightest breeze playing across a dew-kissed meadow
You are gentle, like the drifting of a ruby sunset below the flung horizon
*And yet…*
{{< image url="/img/1*f7AK2fiDTPHDyGBZwmUkKg.jpeg" caption="*Photo by [Steve Halama](https://unsplash.com/photos/6twzYVHRurY?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/volcano?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)*" >}}
Like the lashing touch of a storm battering all within its flailing grasp
You are powerful, like the earth-blood filled bubbling core of a volcano
*And yet…*
{{< image url="/img/1*0Vq-2hfASfydjaB8bbDfDw.jpeg" caption="*Photo by [JuniperPhoton](https://unsplash.com/photos/SjkzLV7wfUg?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/autumn?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)*" >}}
Like the maelstrom of imagination that fills every wondering head
You are dependable, the turn of the seasons, the annual gilding and falling of swarms of leaves
*And so…*
{{< image url="/img/1*aZZY-UK4VlBv23Jkt-OwcA.jpeg" caption="*Photo by [Cristofer Jeschke](https://unsplash.com/photos/Ce3XLxac0f4?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/star-human?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)*" >}}
You are…*alive*. You are *…human*. Fire-striking, tsunami-powerful. Earth-strong, breeze-gentle. You are stardust driven fierce by a mighty mind. Stand proud and know this. **You are enough.**
<small>Originally published on Medium</small>