partial port of new-old content

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---
title: "About This Website"
menu:
main:
name: "About Site"
weight: 130
---
+++
title = "About This Website"
[menu]
[menu.main]
name = "About Site"
weight = 130
+++
# Technology

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---
title: Development
menu:
main:
name: "Development"
---
+++
title = "Development"
[menu]
[menu.main]
name = "Development"
+++
<div class="wrapper">
<h1>Background</h1>
<p>I taught myself Java at about the age of thirteen, which I consider proof of what a truly wonderful resource the Internet can be. It probably also speaks to a certain ability I have for self-motivated learning, which I find to be as effective as formal tuition. I am however looking at formal tution as a way to reinforce and develop my understanding of core programming concepts. In the meantime, I am expanding my knowledge into Python through development of Django-based webapps. I am looking to develop skills in C++ or similar next, likely through games development.</p>

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---
title: "What am I doing Now?"
menu:
main:
name: "Now"
---
+++
title = "What am I doing Now?"
[menu]
[menu.main]
name = "Now"
+++
# 2020-12:
Back home for the holidays, missing my computing power and my soldering station. I'm writing an essay on triumphalism as a form of pathophobia, and working on a new and intresting project involving WebRTC and Django. Still wanting to work more on this site...

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---
title: Event Technical
menu:
main:
name: "Event Technical"
---
+++
title = "Event Technical"
[menu]
[menu.main]
name = "Event Technical"
+++
<div class="wrapper">
<h1>Background</h1>
<p>At first, I tried to be an actor. But I quickly realised I much preferred to be behind the stage than on it. One of my first roles was as a <em>tentacle operator</em> in a production of Return to the Forbidden Planet and from then on I was hooked.</p>

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---
title: Who Am I?
menu:
main:
name: "About Me"
---
+++
title = "Who Am I?"
[menu]
[menu.main]
name = "About Me"
+++
I am...

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---
title: Writing
menu:
main:
name: "Writing"
---
+++
title = "Writing"
[menu]
[menu.main]
name = "Writing"
+++
<div class="wrapper">
<h1>Background</h1>
<p>By all accounts, I have been an utterly voracious reader since I was able to read. This is translating into a growing love for writing, both fiction and non-fiction. My writing hero is Terry Pratchett - I hardly dare hope that my writing might one day might make people think with something approaching his level of wit and incisiveness. His work has had a huge impact on me personally, and reinforced my belief in the power of words.</p>

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---
layout: post
title: "Worth"
date: 2020-07-01 00:00:00 +0100
categories: poetic
---
I believe, even a little bit, in Fate
Why? Dear, why not?
nothing is in vain
all is remembered
You're worth it

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---
title: Blog
menu:
main:
name: "Blog"
---
# Frenetic Scribblings
There's a reason I call them *frenetic scribblings*. From my brain to yours, an (almost) unmoderated stream of conciousness. I write about my thoughts on life and the world but most of all I want to make people think.
I'm a believer in the proper use of the full range of language. That's not to say I'm a *muh freeze peaches* (i.e. 'free speech' as in hate speech) kind of person, fuck no and fuck Nazis. I just mean I like a little profanity - oftentimes you just can't replace its expressiveness.
Medium Posts orginally converted with [this](https://github.com/Donohue/medium-to-jekyll) and cleaned up by hand.

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+++
title = "Is a human mind in a robot body still…human?"
date = 2016-09-14
categories = ["philosophy"]
date = "2016-09-14T00:00:00+01:00"
title = "Is a human mind in a robot body still…human?"
[[resources]]
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src = "**androiddude*"
+++
The question posed in the title is a particular example of a wider question: What makes us human? Are we nothing but the sum of our parts, or is there something more to it?

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---
layout: post
title: "Minds eye blind"
date: 2016-12-16
categories:
- philosophy
- about me
---
+++
categories = ["philosophy", "about me"]
date = "2016-12-16T00:00:00.000Z"
layout = "post"
title = "Minds eye blind"
+++
*Sunset. Golden reds and yellows pouring, fading away, succumbing to the clutching grasp of creeping twilight, the strangling darkness.*

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+++
title = "A letter to love lost"
date = 2017-12-02
categories = ["past", "poetic"]
date = "2017-12-02T00:00:00Z"
title = "A letter to love lost"
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+++
I miss endless hours with our bodies intertwined watching TV

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+++
title = "Forging a path into the web of unknown"
date = 2018-01-12
date = "2018-01-12T00:00:00Z"
title = "Forging a path into the web of unknown"
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creator = "Benjamin Blättler"
sameAs = "https://unsplash.com/photos/J40eheaQ_OE?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText" # also updates caption
license = "https://unsplash.com/license" # attribution not required
creator = "Benjamin Blättler"
license = "https://unsplash.com/license"
sameAs = "https://unsplash.com/photos/J40eheaQ_OE?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText"
+++
I stand, hesitant

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+++
title = "I dont know how to write"
date = 2018-01-13
date = "2018-01-13T00:00:00Z"
title = "I dont know how to write"
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creator = "Alex Iby"
sameAs = "https://unsplash.com/photos/aU1cBKa3mJU?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText" # also updates caption
license = "https://unsplash.com/license" # attribution not required
creator = "Alex Iby"
license = "https://unsplash.com/license"
sameAs = "https://unsplash.com/photos/aU1cBKa3mJU?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText"
+++
That I honestly dont know is something I always kept close to my chest. But no more.

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+++
title = "Frenetic Scribblings #34: Magic of the 4am silence"
date = 2018-01-04
categories = ["thoughts"]
date = "2018-01-04T00:00:00Z"
title = "Frenetic Scribblings #34: Magic of the 4am silence"
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creator = "Khachik Simonian"
sameAs = "https://unsplash.com/photos/G22cAfM7-tE?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText" # also updates caption
license = "https://unsplash.com/license" # attribution not required
creator = "Khachik Simonian"
license = "https://unsplash.com/license"
sameAs = "https://unsplash.com/photos/G22cAfM7-tE?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText"
+++
4am is a magical time. Where the late-nighters have mostly drifted off to bed, and the early-risers havent well…risen.

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---
layout: post
title: "I opt out, too"
date: 2018-03-16
categories:
- about me
- life
images:
- "/img/1*RO-tbOgBBK6ksl1w6NXbKg.jpeg"
---
+++
categories = ["about me", "life"]
date = "2018-03-16T00:00:00.000Z"
layout = "post"
title = "I opt out, too"
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src = "**RO-tbOgBBK6ksl1w6NXbKg*"
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+++
> “I opt out of all of the bullshit I never signed up for to begin with.”
{{< image url="/img/1*RO-tbOgBBK6ksl1w6NXbKg.jpeg" caption="*Photo by [Hans Eiskonen](https://unsplash.com/photos/qTxwKHZwl6M?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/stop?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)*" >}}
Get up.
Go to work.

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+++
title = "The Key to Immortality"
date = 2018-03-31
date = "2018-03-31T00:00:00+01:00"
title = "The Key to Immortality"
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creator = "Vincent Foret"
sameAs = "https://unsplash.com/photos/3S_nePubrtw?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyTextt" # also updates caption
license = "https://unsplash.com/license" # attribution not required
creator = "Vincent Foret"
license = "https://unsplash.com/license"
sameAs = "https://unsplash.com/photos/3S_nePubrtw?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyTextt"
+++
#### Perpetuation from a shattering?

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---
layout: post
title: "A love letter to the infernal combustion engine"
date: 2018-04-07
categories:
- poetic
- life
- fiction
- love
images:
- "/img/1*e39CbqcpCNOKbH-dPX6KZg.jpeg"
---
+++
categories = ["poetic", "life", "fiction", "love"]
date = "2018-04-07"
images = ["/img/1*e39CbqcpCNOKbH-dPX6KZg.jpeg"]
layout = "post"
title = "A love letter to the infernal combustion engine"
+++
She flew.

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---
layout: post
title: "Hearts can be..."
date: 2018-04-06
categories:
- poetic
images:
- "/img/jilbert-ebrahimi-pVEcNabAg9o-unsplash.jpg"
---
+++
categories = ["poetic"]
date = "2018-04-06"
images = ["/img/jilbert-ebrahimi-pVEcNabAg9o-unsplash.jpg"]
layout = "post"
title = "Hearts can be..."
+++
<div style="max-width: 600px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;">
{{< image url="/img/jilbert-ebrahimi-pVEcNabAg9o-unsplash.jpg" caption="*Photo by [Jilbert Ebrahimi](https://unsplash.com/@jilburr?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/s/photos/broken?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText)*" class="full-width" >}}
</div>

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+++
date = "2018-06-05T00:00:00+01:00"
title = "Fuck the world"
date = 2018-06-05
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+++
#### Not literally, you might catch something[1]

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+++
title = "*snkt*, *snkt*, *snkt*"
date = 2018-06-12
categories = ["fiction"]
date = "2018-06-12T00:00:00+01:00"
title = "*snkt*, *snkt*, *snkt*"
[[resources]]
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src = "**spiderweb*"
+++
Like metronomic and distorted cackling laughter the idea-spiders skitter. Piercing clatter of a thousand million worming thoughts. Each one keens in its own way, hungry for freedom. Each one glibly promising sprawling webs of crystalline creativity. Each one truthful to a volatile degree.

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---
layout: post
title: "Chasing the Edge"
date: 2018-07-07
categories:
- life
- poetic
- me
images:
- /img/1*CoN8gAcwONSumYsaadY8HQ.jpeg
---
+++
categories = ["life", "poetic", "me"]
date = "2018-07-07"
images = ["/img/1*CoN8gAcwONSumYsaadY8HQ.jpeg"]
layout = "post"
title = "Chasing the Edge"
+++
![](/img/1*CoN8gAcwONSumYsaadY8HQ.jpeg)

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---
layout: post
title: "Clawmarks on my memories"
date: 2018-07-08
categories:
- life
- memory
- me
images:
- /img/1*QiRpt7tqra3moEbFQwtsnA.jpeg
---
+++
categories = ["life", "memory", "me"]
date = "2018-07-08"
images = ["/img/1*QiRpt7tqra3moEbFQwtsnA.jpeg"]
layout = "post"
title = "Clawmarks on my memories"
+++
{{< image url="/img/1*QiRpt7tqra3moEbFQwtsnA.jpeg" caption="*Photo by [Andy Tootell](https://unsplash.com/photos/oRhhb0f2Kic?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/scratch?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)*" >}}
One of the reasons Im so *damn* good at living for the present is that I cant remember the past.
@@ -19,7 +16,7 @@ Faded out.
I love it, and I *hate* it. I hate it, and I *love* it.
Its true that I can never be satisfied [without adrenaline]({{< ref "/blog/2018-07-07-chasing-the-edge" >}} "Chasing The Edge"). But that isnt the whole picture. Satisfaction is underpinned by *memory*. I cannot be satisfied in what I have done when I cannot remember it.
Its true that I can never be satisfied [without adrenaline]({{< ref "/post/2018/07/chasing-the-edge" >}} "Chasing The Edge"). But that isnt the whole picture. Satisfaction is underpinned by *memory*. I cannot be satisfied in what I have done when I cannot remember it.
I am cursed to wanderto always chase more. Adrenaline, and everything else. I cannot learn from a past that is no longer mine. I cannot remember fondly a laugh shared. I cannot relive the pain of a past heartbreak.

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+++
title = "Flickering like candle-flame in the wind"
date = 2018-07-01
categories = ["fiction", "philosophy"]
date = "2018-07-01T00:00:00+01:00"
title = "Flickering like candle-flame in the wind"
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creator = "Paul Bulai"
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+++
#### The edge of vision otherwise dark

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+++
title = "A spark"
date = 2018-09-27
categories = ["fiction", "poetic"]
date = "2018-09-27T00:00:00+01:00"
title = "A spark"
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creator = "Jarl Schmidt"
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+++
A spark

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---
layout: post
title: "Wild Rose"
date: 2018-09-21 00:00:00 +0100
categories: poetic
---
+++
categories = ["poetic"]
date = "2018-09-21 00:00:00 +0100"
layout = "post"
title = "Wild Rose"
+++
Most roses are tamed, claiming only a veneer of beauty. But some are wild and free. And all the more beautiful for it.
Wild roses wear crowns of thorns.

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---
layout: post
title: "You are…"
date: 2018-10-08
categories: poetic
images:
- /img/1*JpjpU2gIO2RmIVUfHfiwmw.jpeg
---
+++
categories = ["poetic"]
date = "2018-10-08"
images = ["/img/1*JpjpU2gIO2RmIVUfHfiwmw.jpeg"]
layout = "post"
title = "You are…"
+++
<div style="max-width: 600px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;">
{{< image url="/img/1*JpjpU2gIO2RmIVUfHfiwmw.jpeg" caption="*Photo by [Elijah ODonnell](https://unsplash.com/photos/Kaw6v5cBV0I?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/star-human?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)*" class="full-width" >}}
</div>

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---
layout: post
title: "All It Took Was A Global Pandemic"
date: 2020-04-22 03:23:00 +0100
categories: life
---
+++
categories = ["life"]
date = "2020-04-22 03:23:00 +0100"
title = "All It Took Was A Global Pandemic"
+++
It has been more than a few months since I last abandoned this site. Now here I am finally back to it. And all it took was a global bloody pandemic! My particular thoughts on that are liable to come later.
This is just a heartbeat to show that I'm back, not that I ever truly left. I'm hoping to break the cycle of frenzied intrest then drifting away that I fall into with so many things. I have no idea what this blog will be, as always, but I am at least hoping to return to fiction writing. As for the rest of the site, expect it to be gradually themed to my liking and turned into something of a portfolio - I might have finally figured out what I want to do with my life, and it definetely depends on a strong *personal brand* much as I hate that buzzword.

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@@ -1,9 +1,10 @@
---
layout: post
title: "Technology Won't Save Us"
date: 2020-06-05 13:52:00 +0100
categories: transhumanism
---
+++
categories = ["transhumanism"]
date = "2020-06-05 13:52:00 +0100"
layout = "post"
title = "Technology Won't Save Us"
+++
First: **Black Lives Matter**. I don't think it is my place to say anything more than that, as a pasty white non-American.
When I first found the label *'Transhumanism'* I latched onto it hard. I fear change, but most of all I fear loss. And what loss could be greater than that of a human life? I do see death as a disease, as transhumanists do. But the label has never quite sat right with me, and in recent reflection I think I have worked out why.

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@@ -1,11 +1,10 @@
---
layout: post
title: "Go Hugo!"
date: 2020-07-14
categories:
- webdev
- selfhosting
---
+++
categories = ["webdev", "selfhosting"]
date = "2020-07-14T00:00:00Z"
layout = "post"
title = "Go Hugo!"
+++
I've just moved the site over from Jekyll to Hugo. Why? Because I have a growing vendetta against Ruby and (relatedly so) it was easier to make a webhook-based build system for Hugo. No matter what I do, I can never get RVM set up right, I can just about manage Python Venvs!
This all spiraled from trying to finish my build system, as these things do. Now every time I push to master in my git repo, the site will be automatically built and copied in place, which was the last piece missing for a self-hosted equivalent to GitHub Pages. Win! And I only totally FUBARed Docker once in the process...

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@@ -1,11 +1,10 @@
---
layout: post
title: "TIL #1: Font weights in the browser"
date: 2020-07-15
categories:
- webdev
- til
---
+++
categories = ["webdev", "TIL"]
date = "2020-07-15T00:00:00Z"
layout = "post"
title = "TIL #1: Font weights in the browser"
+++
Stealing an idea from somewhere (that I would link if I could remember where!) when I learn something worth sharing (especially if it's from a small blog like this one) I'm going to reshare it here. This will likely evolve into a full separate section, but for now, here it is.

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+++
categories = ["poetic"]
date = "2020-07-01 00:00:00 +0100"
description = ""
layout = "post"
title = "Worth"
+++
I believe, even a little bit, in Fate
Why? Dear, why not?
nothing is in vain
all is remembered
You're worth it

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@@ -1,16 +1,17 @@
---
layout: post
title: "I defy you to write 52 bad stories"
date: 2020-12-21 00:00:00 +0100
categories:
- writing
- 52stories
- fiction
---
+++
categories = ["writing", "fiction"]
tags = ["52stories"]
date = 2021-04-27
publishdate = "2020-12-21 00:00:00 +0100"
layout = "post"
title = "I defy you to write 52 bad stories"
+++
I declare a ~~thumb war~~ challenge. 52 weeks of the year, 52 stories. I only barely won NaNoWriMo this year, and for an Overachiever (35k in 24 hours last year!) like me that just *isn't good enough*. So this year, I have a new challenge. A new short story every week, for the whole year until its time to do NaNoWriMo again.
As with any challenge I set myself, I'll keep the rules intentionally vaugue and let them develop over time. One story, per week, that's all.
The theory here is nobody can write fifty two stories (which simultanously sounds like a lot and nothing at all! Only that many weeks in a year?!) and have all of them be terrible. It should also force me to work on my weakpoint, compelling characters, whilst allowing me to excercise my worldbuilding often.
Let's see about proving that prior theory wrong! :p
Let's see about proving that prior theory wrong! :p
EDIT 2021-04: Well that went well didn't it!

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---
layout: post
title: "Natural Selection"
date: 2020-12-07 00:00:00 +0100
categories:
- 52stories
- fiction
- short story
---
+++
categories = ["52stories", "fiction", "short story"]
date = "2020-12-07 00:00:00 +0100"
layout = "post"
title = "Natural Selection"
+++
*Galactic Council Record No. 2020*
All races across the universe undergo natural selection. Few go so far as to let it run its course unchecked, though this is true of some particularly proud or warlike species like the dragonlike Yywrack, feared pirates and plunderers. Some have escaped it to varying degrees of success.

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---
layout: post
title: "Olivia, The Storm"
date: 2020-12-13 00:25:00
categories:
- 52stories
- fiction
- short story
---
+++
categories = ["52stories", "fiction", "short story"]
date = "2020-12-13 00:25:00"
layout = "post"
title = "Olivia, The Storm"
+++
Olivia crackled fiercely, enveloped in a maelstrom of energy that was as green as her eyes. It rose around her and whipped up the once calm air. Mimicking this rise, she took off. Incongruously slowly, her feet rose several metres from the sodden earth as her eyes flashed fierce with ethereal power. The unshackled force spilled out across the sky like a supercharged aurora, dancing as if it were alive and gleeful at being let free.
Moments later, she lashed out, a twisting beam of energy coming crashing down like a striking snake. The smoke-like figure she had been aiming for dodged easily, blurring through the air between where it had been and where it was now in the work of moments. Irritation rose as the overwhelming emotion in Olivia's mind and she had a sudden desire to scream in an imitation of the fierce wind that now screamed in circles around her. She choked it back. Her emotion wasn't deserved. She had been here before. Died here before. It was all just as little deserving of her time, and her feelings, her pain, than ever.

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---
layout: post
title: "Twin Swords"
date: 2020-12-16 23:05:00 +0100
categories: fiction
---
*For Olivia, who vehemently prefers Liv :)*
+++
categories = ["fiction"]
date = "2020-12-16 23:05:00 +0100"
publishdate = "2016-09-20"
title = "Twin Swords of Hate and Hope"
+++
Blood-red runes smoulder with hellfire heat, eldritch and arcane symbols twisting and writhing like caged beasts. Molten light pours from the blade, a cacophony of flaming colours pulsating to a deep, unseen beat. The air around it shimmers, trying to run from the smoking heat. Living fire, possessed with evil intent, drips from the tip of the wide spined sword, a deep groove running down its spine. The Evil Eye sits crouched on the hilt, slitted pupil moving erratically, madly.
The saber is alive with boundless rage, blood and flame bound in shackles of brass. Possessing a wicked razor sharpness no object of the mortal realm can even slow, like the scythe of Death itself. Capable of cutting an ethereal flame in twain, or cleaving a soul from its body. It seems to radiate evil, as if a demon is entombed within the metal and fire of the artifact. One wonders if this sword is wielded...or it wields.

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@@ -1,9 +1,9 @@
---
layout: post
title: "Worth Reading"
date: 2020-12-16 00:00:00 +0100
categories: philosophy
---
+++
categories = ["philosophy"]
date = "2020-12-16 00:00:00 +0100"
layout = "post"
title = "Worth Reading"
+++
EDIT: A previous version of this was unkind, perhaps too much so.
Not a lot of philosophy stands out to me. It feels like, since the Greeks, we've gotten pretty bogged down in proofs and formulations, with very little to show for it. Of course, the hell do I know? Some things have stood out to me, though. So follows, in no particular order, a short (living) list of things I have found that inspired my intrest:
@@ -11,4 +11,4 @@ Not a lot of philosophy stands out to me. It feels like, since the Greeks, we've
- Jean-Dominique Bauby, "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly"
- Thomas Young, "Overconsumption and procreation: are they morally equivalent?."
Your mileage may, decidedly, vary.
Your mileage may, decidedly, vary.

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@@ -1,23 +1,17 @@
---
layout: post
title: "Rage, Rage Against the Dying of the Light"
date: 2021-01-01 18:00:00
categories:
- philosophy
- me
- life
- memory
aliases:
- /ig
description: Aphantasia is no gift. Not for me.
images:
- /img/tony-rojas-lk5MYKmGyFE-unsplash.jpg
---
+++
aliases = ["/ig"]
categories = ["philosophy"]
date = "2021-01-01T18:00:00.000Z"
description = "Aphantasia is no gift. Not for me."
layout = "post"
title = "Rage, Rage Against the Dying of the Light"
+++
<div style="max-width: 600px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;">
{{< image url="/img/tony-rojas-lk5MYKmGyFE-unsplash.jpg" caption="*Photo by [Tony Rojas](https://unsplash.com/@tonyrojasstudio?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/s/photos/blindfold?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText)*" class="full-width" >}}
</div>
Quite a while<sup>1</sup> I [wrote]({{< ref "/blog/2016-12-16-minds-eye-blind" >}} "Mind's Eye ") about my experience of aphantasia. At the time I said<sup>2</sup>:
Quite a while<sup>1</sup> ago I wrote about my experience of aphantasia. At the time I said<sup>2</sup>:
> Its forced me to live in the present. But, like Zeman, I dont feel that thats entirely a bad thing, something to suffer from. A difference, not a handicap.

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---
layout: post
title: "Your Bones Are Old"
date: 2021-01-06
categories:
- 52stories
- fiction
- short story
- horror
---
+++
categories = ["52stories", "fiction", "short story", "horror"]
date = "2021-01-06T00:00:00Z"
layout = "post"
title = "Your Bones Are Old"
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+++
### **CW: Body Horror**
Not all that glitters is gold. Blood too, glistens in the darkness. We all carry darkness within us, we all have folds of horror. You. You too.