Yeah.

content/post/2018/04/jekyll-and-hyde/index.markdown

@@ -1,33 +1,34 @@
 +++
-title = "Jekyll and Hyde Philosophy"
+layout ="post"
-description = "Torn between the bad and the ugly"
-date = "2018-04-30"
 categories = ["life", "me", "philosophy"]
+title ="Jekyll and Hyde Philosophy"
+date = "2018-04-30"
 [[resources]]
   name = "header thumbnail"
-  src = "**y1NXI-alfOz6PgFt2VvP3A*"
+  src = "**1*y1NXI-alfOz6PgFt2VvP3A*"
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+description = "Torn between the bad and the ugly"
 +++
 
-I’ve mused before about my irreconcilable dual philosophy. The part of me that inspires the ‘Neither do I’ in my bio [Ed. Note 2021: Bio previously read 'Adrenaline Junkie afraid to die. Doesn't make sense? Neither do I!'] — it’s not just there for the rhyme!
+I’ve mused before about my irreconcilable dual philosophy. The part of me that inspires the ‘Neither do I’ in my "Adrenaline Junkie afraid to die...doesn't make sense, neither do I" — it’s not just there for the rhyme!
 
-In the shower[1] just now it hit me what that is.
+In the shower[^1] just now it hit me what that is.
 
 It’s a Jekyll and Hyde philosophy.
 
-Sometimes, I attempt optimism with earnest. I see the world for what it *could be*, rather than the twisted anarchy that it is. And I am fired to fight towards that. My philosophy in these times is all-encompassing, laid back and non-judgmental. I believe — truly believe — in a Utopian future.[2]
+Sometimes, I attempt optimism with earnest. I see the world for what it *could be*, rather than the twisted anarchy that it is. And I am fired to fight towards that. My philosophy in these times is all-encompassing, laid back and non-judgmental. I believe — truly believe — in a Utopian future.[^2]
 
-That’s my Jekyll philosophy. One of the best intentions.[3]
+That’s my Jekyll philosophy. One of the best intentions.[^3]
 
 Then, I inevitably remember (or am reminded) [*Life is Shit*](https://medium.com/@WhereAngelsFearToTread/rainbows-lollipops-and-sunshine-498cdad1e3f).
 
 This is the spiteful, cynical, middle finger to the universe side of my splintered worldview. Where I see that its a goddamn miracle the human race hasn’t obliterated itself *already *and we’re all living on borrowed time. A philosophy that is malevolent and selfish. Shit sucks and all we can do is make the best of it.
 
-But it also brings an anger — a futile rage against the universe that doesn’t give a shit. And a justified rage against The Powers That Be which don’t give a shit *either.[4]*
+But it also brings an anger — a futile rage against the universe that doesn’t give a shit. And a justified rage against The Powers That Be which don’t give a shit *either.[^4]*
 
 That’s my Hyde philosophy. One of sometimes-righteous anger but shot through with wide cracks of black malice.
 
@@ -41,12 +42,10 @@ Though if that were to happen, I don’t know which side would win.
 
 I don’t know which side I’d *want* to win, either.
 
-[1] Why is it always the shower? I guess because its the only high-daydream activity we do regularly and consistently…
+[^1]: Why is it always the shower? I guess because its the only high-daydream activity we do regularly and consistently…
 
-[2] Equality [Ed. Note 2021: Nope. Meant equity!] for all and all that wonderful bollox.
+[^2]: Equality [Ed. Note 2021: Nope. Meant equity!] for all and all that wonderful bollox.
 
-[3] For all the good that intentions are…
+[^3]: For all the good that intentions are…
 
-[4] And anger is a veritable powerplant of energy, creative and otherwise. If it was good enough for Terry Pratchett, it is more than good enough for me.
+[^4]: And anger is a veritable powerplant of energy, creative and otherwise. If it was good enough for Terry Pratchett, it is more than good enough for me.
-
-  

content/post/2021/12/stolenpast/index.md

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+categories = ["life"]
+date = "2021-12-12T23:00:00.000Z"
+layout = "post"
+title = "A Stolen Past"
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++++
+
+Status quo, it is said, is latin for the mess that we are in.
+
+> You're always one decision away from a totally different life
+
+Those words are some of the most freeing I know. They help keep the wanderlust that runs through the fibers of my being placated...sober. I live as lightly as I can for good reason. Mostly because I have no other choice.
+
+Here's something that might be obvious about me. Faced with stability and with sanity, with things as they are; and faced equally with the unknown and the curious, the passionate and the novel I never even need think. It's all interlinked with [The Rush](post/2018/07/chasing-the-edge/), of course. That's not to say I *always* pursue the novel at the expense of all else, that would be foolish... even for me.
+
+Where was I? Ah, yeah. There's another quote that comes to mind here, though it will itself be the kernel of a full piece, eventually:
+
+> Be ruthless for your own wellbeing
+
+Life's too short not to live to the max, I (more than) believe that. And not to forget that there's always [a third way](post/2018/01/forging-a-path-into-the-web-of-unknown/). I am, as I've taken to saying, always thinking sideways.
+
+Choose slow death? Or choose Life?
+
+I choose Life. Are you with me?

content/post/2022/04/phoenix/index.md

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+categories = ["poetic"]
+tags = ["fire"]
+date = "2022-04-08T00:10:00.000Z"
+layout = "post"
+title = "Phoenix, Motherfucker"
+description = "I'm immortal. You don't want to be."
+[[resources]]
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+      creator = "Esther Ann"
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++++
+
+Think of a sickly, wounded bird. Faded grey.
+
+Then think of a fire licking up around it. A funeral pyre and also a celebration of (re)birth.
+
+A phoenix must die to rise. To be renewed. Consumed [in flame](/post/2021/12/newflame/) that does not hurt but heals. I like the way it burns.
+
+Partly because of [the great sieve I have in place of a brain](post/2018/01/some-things-stick/) I am immortal. I am a phoenix, motherfucker. If you want to beat me down, you're going to need a bigger stick. And more patience than there are stars in the sky.
+
+I live moment by moment. Breath by breath. Pain doesn't stick, but pleasure doesn't either. It's a different way to live, as unimaginable to you as the fact I have no minds eye (If you *can* imagine, reach out. We can be alone together). I rage against the dying of the light, yet there is nothing I can do.
+
+I must move forwards, because stillness is death. An endless restlessness that I wish on no one.
+
+I am not as I was. I shall not be as I am. Blink by blink I change faster than I can keep up with. Someday, perhaps I will find an iteration of myself I don't vehemently hate.
+
+Hate me? I empathise. (Oh to be able to turn these pretty/twisted words into song...)