+++
title = "Is self reflection enough?"
date = "2018-06-13"
categories = ["life", "me"]
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+++

I’ve been doing a lot (a whole lot!) of self reflection lately. It’s probably *reflected* — Hah! (Sorry[^1]) — in my writings.

I’m trying to figure out *who I am*. And [*what I* ***do***](https://medium.com/@WhereAngelsFearToTread/obviously-im-biased-but-80778a2de71e). Big questions. But ones I want answers to.

Not least because of the series of relationship explosions I’ve undergone recently. In particular I’m trying to identify and neutralise toxic behaviours I either already had or developed in those relationships.

I’m pretty sure I’m badly codependent. Which needs to change. I also have a major tendency to jump ahead of myself when I should be rolling with the punches.[^2] But I don’t know exactly how. Which loops quite neatly to the title.

I’ve been looking inward. Balancing it with looking outward. Trying to let a *little* more positivity bleed into the darkness.[^3]

Trying really damn hard to be more mindful, more grateful.

All of that is good. But is it enough? Can I do this — whatever *this* is — alone?

I don’t know. Which is another thing I’m working at being better at — admitting when I’m wrong or don’t know. Which is a lot of the time when *this* is involved.

I guess I’m just trying to be a better person. Something I should be able to manage alone. In theory. I don’t know.

[^1]: I’m not.

[^2]: I don’t mean that inherently negatively as it implies. *Going with the flow *just isn’t violent enough for me. On second thoughts maybe I *do*.

[^3]: Sometimes.