More reups

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2021-01-11 15:54:59 +00:00
parent 8a8c3155fe
commit 9c824aed2a
3 changed files with 14 additions and 11 deletions

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@@ -4,7 +4,9 @@ title: "Chasing the Edge"
date: 2018-07-07 date: 2018-07-07
--- ---
![](/img/1*CoN8gAcwONSumYsaadY8HQ.jpeg)The Edge is that which lights. That which sets the blood pumping. That which sparks the soul. ![](/img/1*CoN8gAcwONSumYsaadY8HQ.jpeg)
The Edge is that which lights. That which sets the blood pumping. That which sparks the soul.
The Edge is the edge between life and death. The Edge is the edge between life and death.
@@ -32,4 +34,6 @@ I cannot feel satisfaction. Even at the Edge, there is no satisfaction. Always d
Sooner or later, itll kill me. Maybe then itll be satisfied. The Edge will have drawn the blood it demands. Maybe then *Ill* be satisfied. Sooner or later, itll kill me. Maybe then itll be satisfied. The Edge will have drawn the blood it demands. Maybe then *Ill* be satisfied.
<hr/>
Originally published [on Medium](https://medium.com/frenetic-scribblings/chasing-the-edge-b473b3efd3e2)

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@@ -3,8 +3,9 @@ layout: post
title: "Clawmarks on my memories" title: "Clawmarks on my memories"
date: 2018-07-08 date: 2018-07-08
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{{< image url="/img/1*QiRpt7tqra3moEbFQwtsnA.jpeg" caption="*Photo by [Andy Tootell](https://unsplash.com/photos/oRhhb0f2Kic?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/scratch?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)*" >}}
![](/img/1*QiRpt7tqra3moEbFQwtsnA.jpeg)Photo by [Andy Tootell](https://unsplash.com/photos/oRhhb0f2Kic?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/scratch?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)One of the reasons Im so *damn* good at living for the present is that I cant remember the past. One of the reasons Im so *damn* good at living for the present is that I cant remember the past.
The instant a moment is gone it blurs, out of focus. Then it fades into the blackness. I cant remember the mundanewhat I had for lunch the other day, what movies I watched last week. Nor can I remember the specialthe first kiss, the last heartbreak. Its all gone. The instant a moment is gone it blurs, out of focus. Then it fades into the blackness. I cant remember the mundanewhat I had for lunch the other day, what movies I watched last week. Nor can I remember the specialthe first kiss, the last heartbreak. Its all gone.
@@ -12,18 +13,16 @@ Faded out.
I love it, and I *hate* it. I hate it, and I *love* it. I love it, and I *hate* it. I hate it, and I *love* it.
Its true that I can never be satisfied [without adrenaline](https://medium.com/frenetic-scribblings/chasing-the-edge-b473b3efd3e2). But that isnt the whole picture. Satisfaction is underpinned by *memory*. I cannot be satisfied in what I have done when I cannot remember it. Its true that I can never be satisfied [without adrenaline]({{< ref "/blog/2018-07-07-chasing-the-edge" >}} "Chasing The Edge"). But that isnt the whole picture. Satisfaction is underpinned by *memory*. I cannot be satisfied in what I have done when I cannot remember it.
I am cursed to wanderto always chase more. Adrenaline, and everything else. I cannot learn from a past that is no longer mine. I cannot remember fondly a laugh shared. I cannot relive the pain of a past heartbreak. I am cursed to wanderto always chase more. Adrenaline, and everything else. I cannot learn from a past that is no longer mine. I cannot remember fondly a laugh shared. I cannot relive the pain of a past heartbreak.
I cannot remember. I cannot remember.
No matter how hard I try to hold, the memories always slip away. No matter how fiercely I claw. I have to live for the here and now, because otherwise I aint got shit. No matter how hard I try to hold, the memories always slip away. No matter how fiercely I claw. I have to live for the here and now, because otherwise [I aint got shit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TP5cjnVGJ38).
I cannot remember. I cannot remember.
I love it. I love it.
*I hate it.* *I hate it.*

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@@ -16,7 +16,7 @@ images:
{{< image url="/img/tony-rojas-lk5MYKmGyFE-unsplash.jpg" caption="*Photo by [Tony Rojas](https://unsplash.com/@tonyrojasstudio?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/s/photos/blindfold?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText)*" class="full-width" >}} {{< image url="/img/tony-rojas-lk5MYKmGyFE-unsplash.jpg" caption="*Photo by [Tony Rojas](https://unsplash.com/@tonyrojasstudio?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/s/photos/blindfold?utm_source=unsplash&amp;utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_content=creditCopyText)*" class="full-width" >}}
</div> </div>
Quite a while<sup>1</sup> I [wrote]({{< ref "/blog/2016-12-16-minds-eye-blind" >}} "About Us") about my experience of aphantasia. At the time I said<sup>2</sup>: Quite a while<sup>1</sup> I [wrote]({{< ref "/blog/2016-12-16-minds-eye-blind" >}} "Mind's Eye ") about my experience of aphantasia. At the time I said<sup>2</sup>:
> Its forced me to live in the present. But, like Zeman, I dont feel that thats entirely a bad thing, something to suffer from. A difference, not a handicap. > Its forced me to live in the present. But, like Zeman, I dont feel that thats entirely a bad thing, something to suffer from. A difference, not a handicap.