More portage

content/post/2018/07/flickering-like-candle-flame-in-the-wind/index.markdown

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+title = "Flickering like candle-flame in the wind"
+date =	2018-07-01
+categories = ["fiction", "philosophy"]
+[[resources]]
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+  name = "header thumbnail"
+  [resources.params.meta]
+        creator = "Paul Bulai"
+        sameAs = "https://unsplash.com/photos/XOQJa4OC8P0?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText" # also updates caption
+        license = "https://unsplash.com/license" # attribution not required
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+#### The edge of vision otherwise dark
+
+[I have a blind mind’s eye.](https://medium.com/frenetic-scribblings/minds-eye-blind-93509e102fe)
+
+> I don’t see mental images. It’s incredibly difficult to describe what I do see, but certainly not the vivid mental imagery that I’m told others experience.[1]I’ve also recently figured out I am a broadly visual learner. Which renders my memory next to useless. Since if I learn through imagery, and yet my image recall is short circuited…I can’t very well learn *anything* can I!
+
+Though as I’ve said before, [some things stick](https://medium.com/frenetic-scribblings/some-things-stick-519bc645e86d). Somehow, moments of intense emotion stick. As for why, I couldn’t say. My relationship with emotions in general is *complex*, to say the least. I’m still working through that. One step at a time, one puzzle piece of my eight dimensional jigsaw at a time.[2]
+
+
+> My mind is like a sieve, selecting if not the particularly good or bad, but the significant of all kinds.More to the point of *this *piece though, just now I experienced a phenomenon I’ll call ‘flickering’.
+
+Just as with anything involving this subject it’s complex to describe. Maybe the best description is….
+
+*Ghosted images, like the retina starbursts after firework flash. Flickering like the flame of a candle in hissing wind. Dancing on the peripheral of mental image. Tantalisingly unseen like a body’s curve clad in sheer silk. A Schrödinger's image.*
+
+Why I can describe so well that which I cannot picture is another classic dilemma in my personal, crazy puzzle.[2] Regardless, I won’t elaborate on the image itself, but I’ll say it was a strong one. And yes, emotionally charged. Enjoyable, even.[3]
+
+Now of course, it has vanished. Startled by my mental clawing at it, my trying to drag it into full, glorious vision, it has dissolved.
+
+A grain of sand in the wind of time. Lost.[4]
+
+[That’s not *all* bad, though.](https://medium.com/@aronajones/frenetic-scribblings-18-living-in-the-moment-fe903df21ee0)
+
+All I can do is…
+
+
+> **[wring] every ounce of experience out of every damn moment that I breath.** 
+
+That’s turning out to to be a pretty sweet way to live.[5]
+
+[1] Self-quoting wasn’t…well..self-indulgent, was it? I feel uncomfortably like it was.
+
+[2] Excuse the metaphor — I certainly don’t mean to imply my mind is complex as in ‘smart’. More complex as in *pain in the arse*.
+
+[3] Get your mind out of the gutter![4]
+
+[4] Oh, was it just mine that was *in* the gutter to begin with? Damn…
+
+[4] Dammit. I really *was* enjoying that.[3]
+
+[5] Course, I’m not very good at it.[6]
+
+[7] Yet
+
+