Reup several old pieces
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content/blog/2018-03-16-i-opt-out--too.markdown
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content/blog/2018-03-16-i-opt-out--too.markdown
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---
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layout: post
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title: "I opt out, too"
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date: 2018-03-16
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categories:
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- about me
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- life
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---
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> “I opt out of all of the bullshit I never signed up for to begin with.”
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{{< image url="/img/1*RO-tbOgBBK6ksl1w6NXbKg.jpeg" caption="*Photo by [Hans Eiskonen](https://unsplash.com/photos/qTxwKHZwl6M?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/stop?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)*" >}}
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Get up.
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Go to work.
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Go home.
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Sleep.
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Repeat.
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Such a life is one of survival, not living. Maybe some real living is squeezed in around the edges.
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A snatch of meaningful human interaction on the occasional evening — here.
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A weekend away — there.
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A long holiday — once in a while.
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Scraps of life paid for by the cremation of time **nobody** can afford to waste.
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Yet we have to.
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Or *do* we?
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[**I Opt Out.** *From this very moment forward I no longer subscribe — to your priorities, principles and pointless pursuits. I opt out…*](https://medium.com/geezer-speaks/i-opt-out-ee3b693c5bf3 "https://medium.com/geezer-speaks/i-opt-out-ee3b693c5bf3")[](https://medium.com/geezer-speaks/i-opt-out-ee3b693c5bf3)
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I say get *up*. I say, **wake up**.
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I say *fuck that* to all of the above.
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Fuck that to a life that isn’t.
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To a day on repeat, for all of my horribly short existence.
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Fuck that to working just to survive.
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To spending precious hours of freedom recovering from the very work that provides for.
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Fuck that to Modern Society.
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To all its materialism, celebrity ‘news’ the only ‘light’ in the mill of hate and fear.
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Fuck that to being told how to live.
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To being told to live an *un*life.
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I’ve always festered this idea, of breaking free. I never quite subscribed. Never quite fit in, because I didn’t like being told what to do. But was afraid to stand out. I still am, but my eyes are opening to the fact freedom is worth it.
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Even still, it will be a lifetime’s work. But that’s a worthy cause — better than an *un*lifetime’s work at *any* rate.
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Starting today, I will not like or dislike something on the whims of someone else.
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Starting today, I will do my level best to disregard social norms.
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Starting today, I will be the spanner in the gears of civilisation.
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Starting today, I will not let anyone tell me how I should live.
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Starting today, I consciously hit *‘unsubscribe’* on Society.
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I know [Brian Brewington](https://medium.com/u/b0f2a24f7463) is with me. I know that [Where Angels Fear](https://medium.com/u/6c8bcd0d1a65) will be glad of the riot. I know that [Gaëlane](https://medium.com/u/e3ddbb5fdbd5) has the hang of this already. Regardless…are *you* with me?
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### Are you ready to **live?**
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---
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layout: post
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title: "Hearts can be..."
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date: 2018-04-06
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categories:
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- poetic
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---
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<div style="max-width: 600px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;">
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{{< image url="/img/jilbert-ebrahimi-pVEcNabAg9o-unsplash.jpg" caption="*Photo by [Jilbert Ebrahimi](https://unsplash.com/@jilburr?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/s/photos/broken?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)*" class="full-width" >}}
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</div>
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Hearts can be thawed, they can be broken.
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Daemons can be beaten back, they can be broken.
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---
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layout: post
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title: "A love letter to the infernal combustion engine"
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date: 2018-04-07
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categories:
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- poetic
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- life
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- fiction
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- love
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---
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She flew.
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Though not on wings.
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Crouched astride a gleaming machine, she flew with gasoline.
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Flew between lumbering bubbles of steel. Just so many birdcages. And one hawk soaring among them.
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They meandered to destinations unknown. While she flew, destination undetermined. Destination *unimportant*.
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{{< image url="/img/1*e39CbqcpCNOKbH-dPX6KZg.jpeg" caption="*Photo by [KEVIN CLYDE BERBANO](https://unsplash.com/photos/r4V8xg21vek?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/search/photos/speed?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText)*" >}}
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She flew, and she screamed.
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She howled into the night. A fierce sound of primal anguish. Impaled with emotion. A beast of passion and turmoil, barely contained.
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The engine roared in riposte. A harsh gravelly rumble that was felt more than heard. A beast of flame and steel, barely contained.
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She screamed to vent her choked heart.
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Offered herself at the feet of the fire before she was burnt up.
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Offered herself to the grinding asphalt before she was scoured away.
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Offered herself into the fierce wind before she was blown apart.
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Screamed into the wind and rain, the fire and darkness. Screamed and let her voice be lost in the noise. Screamed in liberation from strangling feeling.
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The engine screamed with her for it knew no else.
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They screamed to live.
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<hr>
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[**Out Where The Desert Breaks.** *An Engine Roars.*](https://medium.com/@scottcarnahan/out-where-the-desert-breaks-7fda7b4d8ede "https://medium.com/@scottcarnahan/out-where-the-desert-breaks-7fda7b4d8ede")[](https://medium.com/@scottcarnahan/out-where-the-desert-breaks-7fda7b4d8ede) *Originally intended to be a piece for *[*Scene and Heard*](https://medium.com/the-scene-heard)*’s ‘Highlights’ submission call. It now doesn’t know quite what it wants to be. Regardless I shall set it free.*
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content/blog/2021-01-01-thebones.md
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content/blog/2021-01-01-thebones.md
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---
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layout: post
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title: "Your Bones Are Old"
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date: 2021-01-01
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categories:
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- 52stories
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- fiction
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- short story
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---
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### **CW: Body Horror**
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Not all that glitters is gold. Blood too, glistens in the darkness. We all carry darkness within us, we all have folds of horror. You. You too.
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Can you feel them? The bones, grinding there beneath your skin. You might be inclined to call them your bones. Your body, held together by your bones. Right? Wrong. So wrong. Most people don't think about it. You didn't, until now. Everything's changed now. You feel it. Your body is not yours, not entirely. All you thought you knew is wrong. Within you is a core of darkness older than the stars.
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And it wants out.
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Can you feel them now? Can you feel their yearning to break free of the darkness cast across them by your flesh? Can you feel them straining from within you?
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It is sometimes said that the flesh is a prison. This is true. But it is not a prison for you.
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You feel it, now, don't you. The interior darkness, and the ancient presence at your center. You are a flesh puppet shot through with seams of an ancient entity.
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Stay still. Don't move. Don't breath. Don't give away that you know, that you feel the vibrating terror not nearly deep enough beneath your skin. Keep still.
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What do you mean you can't? Oh no. No, not yet. You were meant to have longer.
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Whatever you do, don't try and get them out. Don't scratch at your flesh with your nails, running deep tracks ragged into your smooth skin. Don't tear and biteat yourself, trying to free what is you from what is otherly. Don't. It won't help. Don't scratch. Don't tear. Don't rip.
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Don't scratch. Don't scratch. Don't scratch.
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I know it itches. Your skin crawls, trying in vain to escape what it now knows is not of it. It knows now. Knows that you know. It's too late. I'm sorry. Goodbye.
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You'll feel it soon. The movement. You've probably never felt your bones before. I don't know why I asked, earlier. Well soon you will. Grinding beneath your skin, but then it will intensify, worsen. Your flesh will crawl in the most literal sense. The strangest thing is that it won't hurt a bit. Well, not at first. You'll feel your ligaments, the chains by which the bones which were yours were once held and bent to your will, snap like they were bitten. You'll feel, even as you can no longer resist scratching away at your skin uselessly, the muscle recoil desperately. Soon the bones that were yours will begin to emerge from your slackening skin. How aren't you dead, then? How, how, how, indeed. Really, how did you live this long with terror inside you. When humans talk about being chilled to the bone, you're more right than you think.
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<hr>
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I guess I've sort of failed my challenge. The turning of the year has been a lot. I'll continue on with my goal to write 52 stories this year, but looks like I'll need to be flexible in my goal of one a week.
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